Event Description:

Commander John Blitzen and his team of Reindeer comman-does have blown up the gorram multiverse! Now it’s up to the Menacin’ Venison, along with their good friends George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, to put it back together again or (probably) die trying!

Santa’s Notes:

Since I did time travel the previous year, I decided to shake it up and do alternate universes this year. I tweaked the character sheets from 2016 and gave each one some minor updates to reflect their reality of origin. I also snuck some more abilities onto the characters by offloading abilities onto item cards that they started the game with.

Probably the most fun of these was George Washington’s, who was secretly a sorcerer who gained magical power by killing bad guys. He could drain other people’s life, use force lightning, or even dominate a person.

As for the game itself, the players chased the illuminati across multiple dimensions. The dimensions replaced the rooms of previous years’ games. Once all the bad guys died and all of the C.R.A.T.E.S were grabbed, the dimension changed automatically. I came up with 18 different dimensions ahead of time, a home dimension for each of the reindeer (where they got a bonus to their rolls) and eight more dimensions of general weirdness.

Possible Dimensions:

    1. Psychic Wars – 2020 (Vixen)
    2. Lincoln Assassinates Booth – 1869 (Lincoln)
    3. Robot Uprising – 2000 (Prancer)
    4. Kingdom of America – 1797 (Washington)
    5. Russians Win Cold War – 1983 (Cupid)
    6. Irish Win World War III – 2031 (Dancer)
    7. Japan Wins World War II – 1945 (Comet)
    8. Just Vikings, Vikings Are Cool – 793 (Dasher)
    9. Deadite Invasion – 1981 (Donner)
    10. Operation Santa Verse – 2017 (Blitzen)
    11. Hands for Feet and Feet for Hands World – 1992
    12. Trumpmerica – 2017
    13. Utopia – 3002
    14. Buffyverse – 1997
    15. Neo-Tokyo – 1999
    16. Lizards Rule the World – 1976
    17. Planet of the Apes – 2000
    18. “Bad Guys Have Won” Planet – 1919

Character Sheets:

Notable Quotes:

[robot] “Meat bag.”

“Want some? I got spares.”  JSw, Jsh

“Is it wrong that the fact that she might bite my head off after sex is really working for me?”

“I sent you to fix the Multiverse last year!”

“You’re welcome!”  CF, AL

“I don’t know how I just did that fingersnap.”  JS

“We all perceive each other as speaking familiar languages, but for some reason he’s badly dubbed in all of them.”  KF

“You turn into babies and back again. Jake, you turn into a microwave.”

“I’m gonna make a burrito in you.”

“That’s not the worst thing I’ve heard in this game, and that’s sad.”  CF, JS

“Take two damage as an axe swings down from the ceiling and embeds in your forehead.”

That’s where I left the damned thing.”  CF, JS

[to the Irish reindeer, re: zombies] “You know they’re English.”

“Oh feck.”

“In a flurry of killing…” 

“And an attack on bacon, which is an attack on all of us.”  CF

“The infection compels you to lie about the state of infection.”

“Hit it in the jibbly bits.”

“It’s a tentacle monster. It’s all jibbly bits.”

“If it’s Ghibli bits, is there a cat spirit and non-jet-powered flight in the Japanese countryside?”

“So are we going to fight the tentacle creature, or each other for the crate?”

“That’s a very good question and I look forward to finding out the answer.”  __ & CF

[After Shumate’s joke about David Bowie was met with “Too soon!” Josh pulled a crate] “Bowie knife: Discard this item to make a target really sad for a year; they lose their last turn.”

[vaguely English accent] “Oi, what’s going on in here? I’m not Irish any more…”  MW

“Next up is Spike, who switches his attention to the Sexy Irishman who just walked in.”

“I ship it! I ship it!”  CF, AL

“Blood just starts pouring out of nothing. You think you’ve hit your target. Either that or another tear has opened in the multiverse and blood is pouring out for some reason.”  CF

[punched to death by Xander] “ Is that the most embarrassing death in Operation SANTA?”  CF

“Take one hit, and feel bad about yourself.”  CF

“Why aren’t you in your classroom? And why are you a reindeer?”  CF

“A tall vampire appears…”

“The Master?”

“Yes.”

“The Master, or Rutger Hauer? Rutger Hauer would be better.”

“You know what? That’s better. Reality shimmers and it’s Rutger Hauer. Not his character from the Buffy movie, just Rutger Hauer.”

“You could revive Willow.”

“I’ve got a plan for that.”

“You’re not going to skin her and pretend to be her, are you?”

“I have two plans for that.”  __, JS, KF, JS

“I’m going to raise her. Undead lesbian witch, under my control!”

“No part of this is not a good idea.”

“Giles doesn’t realize you’re not the same one who was in here a minute ago, and keeps talking about theories about anthropomorphic reindeer.”

“That’s kind of racist. He can’t tell us apart?”  CF, AL

“I don’t want to attract Rutger Hauer’s attention.”

“Good idea.”  JY, CF

[Xander has died] “This is really therapeutic. I’m really working some things out this year.”

“I’m using my laser sword on Rutger Hauer.”

“Star Wars is a shit film, made by shit people, for shit people.”

“It’s a non-copyright-infringement sword.”  DA, CF

“The ever-growing hunger for brains has gone away.”

“Good, because at this table I was going to go hungry.”  CF, JM

[singing] “He would make Blade Runner 2, that’s what Rutger Hauer’d do!”  JM & JS

“Buffy says, ‘Why is everybody being mean to National Treasure Rutger Hauer?’”  CF

“As he slumps over, he says, ‘I never got an Oscar, and that’s the biggest tragedy of all.’”  CF

“An Oscar-shaped crystal appears.”

“It was inside him all along!”  CF, DA

“I use the slightly-used burial shroud to revive National Soviet Treasure Rutger Hauer.”  JY

“I feel like, next year, I’m going to find handwritten item cards from Shumate just slipped into the stack. ‘How the hell? These were in my house all year!’”

“Not all year. You sleep like a baby.”  CF, JS

“I figured it out finally. I have a Sorcerous Lesbian Undead Teenager. I have a huge SLUT.”

“Lose fifty experience point.”  JS, CF

“So while you were in the void, Cupid invoked Communism.”

“Is the orange monster the color of a Cheeto?”

“Yeah, not one of the fluffy ones, but a crunchy knobby thing.”  AL, CF

“There must have been some magic in that old dead teenager I found. ‘Cause when I shot her in the chest she began to dance around.”

“Like this.” [twitches spasmodically]  JS, TN

“A flap of flesh peels away from his face, revealing an insectile head.”

“I hate him less now.”  CF, AL

“You knocked over my hot lesbian! She’s only a little dinged up, but she’s new to me.”  JS

“Can I inconvenience the Trump monster by Force-pushing one of the Trumpjugend into him?”

“It’s petty. It’s the sort of thing he hates the most.”

[Trump] “Nobody shoots guns at me. Everybody loves me.”

“No, everybody loves Rutger Hauer.”  CF, AL

“I’m sorry that my already problematic list I made in six seconds is problematic. It was a bad idea to begin with. Let’s move on. Who wants to punch a Klansman?”  CF

“I immediately get another hit on that one.”

“The dead one?!?”  JS, AL

“I have a feeling if you squeeze Trump you get Tang.”

“Thank you for tainting my happy childhood memories of astronaut beverages.”

“I’d say, ‘Ia,Ia, Chthulhu f’thagen,’ but that’s an insult to Cthulhu and everything he stands for.”  CF

“The King in Orange!”  AL

“Make America Crate Again.”  MW

“Only one crate contains bacon and that’s bacon!  JM

“You land briefly in a world where people have hands for feet and feet for hands.”

“Are we reindeer again?”

“Yes.”

“But we have front hooves in place of back hooves, and vice versa. We can tell the difference and are really disturbed.”  CF, __, CF, JS

[looking at map of a new world with a huge pentagram in the center of an island floating in lava] “Oh good, this is a much happier place.”  

[re: buff shirtless Rudolph] “We just saw Rutger Hauer. This is nothing.”  AL

“I’m going to have her make out with Mussolini to distract him while I attack him with the chainsaw.”  JS

[singing] “Jesus Christ, Shu-u-mate, what the fuck did you just say?”  JM

[Russian accent] “Possibly the only thing more satisfying than attacking the Cheeto monster with the not-copyright-infringing laser sword is attacking Hitler with the not-copyright-infringing laser sword.”  JY

[trying to hit] “Nine!” [sounds like nein]  AF

“Mussolini offers you a plate of spaghetti.”

“Where did he pull it from?”

“Hammerspace?”

“That’s probably the least disturbing answer.”  CF, __, CF, AL

“I want to put a peppermint stick up Hirohito’s ass. [beat] I have very specific desires.”  MW

“My plans have been in the works for years and years. It isn’t a retcon, it’s a plan.”  CF

“Laser eyes? Don’t you mean laser nose? You can’t even get the continuity of your own powers right!”

“Everything I say is canon, everything you say is up for debate.”  JM, CF

“I’m going to continue to slice at Hitler with my laser sword.”

“It’s sentences like that that make me love this game.”

“And I will say ‘I have the high ground!’” [rolls a natural 20]

“Steve preternaturally moves his Apple watch again. The shot bounces off and hits you for one. How much of your damage have you done to yourself?”

“Three out of five.”

“Then we’re playing this game right.”  CF, AL

[Hirohito has been stabbed with the Bowie knife] “Aladdin Sane was a Japanese exclusive at first. He really loved our people.” [looks mournful]  CF

“So far I’ve just ate spaghetti and got knocked out.”  JS

[Washington made Rudolph run onto the lava] “Do the McGuffins float to the surface?”

“No, they’re destroyed forever.”  __, CF

IMG_4298

Event Description:
Commander John Blitzen and his team of Reindeer comman-does stand victorious, having defeated all other holidays and winning the War For Christmas. Their R&R is cut short when George Washington and Honest Abe show up armed to the teeth with Cybernetic enhancements — refugees from the post apocalyptic past. Now The Menacin’ Venison must fight their way across time itself, to save themselves and the multiverse!

Santa’s Notes:
Having finished the Holiday series the previous year, this year was basically a big reboot of the series. I figured there was a lot of fun to be had with a time travel theme, so I ran with it. I completely refreshed the character sheets, replacing the venerable “License to Kill” design with one I intentionally based on the Back to the Future Flux Capacitor dashboard. I tried to give each character some fun new abilities.

For the first time in a while, I completely overhauled the items that were available. I included some new versions of old favorites and some completely new ones from the a variety of ages and multiverses.

The game was a fun romp through historically inaccurate history and ended with the character fighting a weird mashup of the axis-power leaders and illuminati folks performing an occult ritual. The session ended with with the characters blowing up the multiverse, all-in-all business as usual at Operation Santa.

Character Sheets:

Notable Quotes:

“And I’ll form the bacon.”

“The rulebook is like the Yellow King. Reading it makes you go insane.” CF

“The peace is shattered…”

“Hooray!” CF, all

[Thomas Jefferson has been shot]

“Don’t you have slaves to help with that, Tommy?”

“They’re all too pregnant to help me.” MS, CF

“You go through Jefferson’s pockets. They’re full of marijuana and $2 bills. But the $2 bills have the Easter Bunny on them and the slogan is ‘In Evil We Trust.’” CF

“The peppermint asshole.”

“Woo, that’s refreshing!” __, KF

“What sort of marketable skills do you have for the 1820s?”

[Lincoln’s hand shoots up] ‘President!” CF, AL

“So we’re in the one peaceful future and somebody finds a way to start a fight anyway.” JM

“He was ducking down to save his dead friend. ‘Flurga flurga Steve!’” CF

“It’s a grand Operation S.A.N.T.A. Tradition that Abraham Lincoln get critically missed at some point.” CF

“It’s somehow appropriate that not only did we start trouble immediately, it was on a morals charge.” JM

“I’m the Great Emancipator.”

“I don’t know what that means, but it sounds hot.” AL, JS

[T-Rex mini is moved awkwardly] “Is it presenting its butt at me?!? ‘Hey…’” JS

[Re Booth-bots] “Are they from the Stephen Sondheim annex to the Hall of Presidents at Disney?” KF

“Reindeer shoot back, motherflurgen!” JM

[discussing playing Operation S.A.N.T.A. with alcohol] “It should be like ASL—just the whole weekend.”

“I would feel like a terrible person.”

“I’m afraid I would run out of terrible.” DA, AL, JS

“Yeah, continue to bleed. Daddy likes that. …Why does it always get quiet when I say things like that?” JS

“Washington is down, and somebody just used a healing item.” [referring to a nanite suppository that just gray-gooed a Booth-bot]

“There’s some on the ground over there. Just scoop some up and start ladling it in.” JM, JS

[to Lincoln, as the historic Lincoln has just been shot.]

“You know, Lincoln didn’t die right away. You could run up there with some of the goo and save him.”

“There’d be some really confused people between here and there.”

“So that’s why Mary Todd was so fucked up. [miming taking her face in his hands] ‘No one will ever believe you, sweetheart.’ [smooch]”

“While you’re shoving nanites up dying Lincoln’s ass?” ??. KF, JS

“Let’s say I emancipated his head from his shoulders.” AL

[on “EVILETTE” logo] “Hey, it’s an anagram for VILE TEET.” MS

“I’m going to shuck John Wilkes Booth out of his armor—I don’t care if it’s soiled—and put it on over my marzipan armor.”

“It’s made for somebody with thumbs.”

[miming] “I can get this. I can get this.” JS, KF

“Cupid, you’ve been critically hit with an arrow.”

[referring to earlier friendly-fire incident committed by Cupid] “Sucks, doesn’t it?” CF, AL

“If the crate won’t come to Mount Doom, Mount Doom will go to the crate.” JS

[after accidentally shooting an ally] “I’m helping!”

“Which side?” JS, JM

“He’s on fire.”

“How does that work with the night vision goggles?”

[clutching eyes] “The goggles do too much!”

“It’s an enemy. It’s an enemy with a thermal detonator.”

[Native American commando receives a gift-wrapped proximity mine via hoverboard] “I feel like this is historically accurate.” AL

[on Washington’s plan, above] “It’s shit like that that got you elected in the first place.”

“Is the first aid kit one-time- only? It doesn’t say it is.”

“Yes it does, right on page 71 of the rulebook.”

“It just says ‘Shut up, Shumate.’” JS, CF

“Flargin for the flarg god!” AL

“This looks like modern Washington, D.C. Modern buildings, goose-stepping fascists in the streets.”

“Oh, it’s a Trump rally.” CF, JM

“The crates are beyond the bad guys.”

“We can break through that line. ‘Red rover, red rover, gimme that shit.” KF, JS

“Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, I made it out of doom. Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, it’s time to clear the room.” JM

[after Lincoln sniped the Easter Bunny with the derringer that killed him] “Sic semper lepus!” DA

“I was gonna release the weasel all over the Easter Bunny.”

“That sounds like such a euphemism.”

“It’s the scene they had to cut out of Roger Rabbit.” JS, KF, DA

[Dreidel of Destruction wipes out the last three enemies on the field] “Judaism saves the day!”

“In a Christmas-themed game, Judaism saving the day is the best possible outcome.” MS, CF

“You wind up in an antechamber.”

“These things are dangerous. You can’t let them contact a regular chamber.”

“That’s at least the third year that line’s been used.”

“You’re welcome.”

“We appreciate it more every year,”

“We do?”

“Shh.” CF, JM, JS, SS, JS

[cultist Nixon] “That’s right, I’m magic. I am not a crook. But I am a mighty wizard,”

“He must have killed Kennedy with the magic bullet! It all makes sense!” CF, JS

“He’s going to Force-choke Cupid,”

“Legally-distinct- from-Force- choke,”

“Mass-times- acceleration-choke.” CF, AL, TN

“That’s a president’s true weakness—bullets.” JS

“I’m gonna save the dinosaurs for whatever awful thing is going to happen next.” JM

“Zombie Reagan says, ‘Losers do drugs!’”

“Oh shit, he knows us,”

“Do you have any?” CF, JS, TM

“Teddy Roosevelt’s bull rush attack… I mean Bull Moose rush,”

“Yeah, he’s not Moses.” CF, DA

“I’m not taking this armor off until it blows up around me. Never ever. I’d like to point out that so far it’s stopped more friendly fire than

enemy fire.”

“That’s how you know we’re playing the game right.” JM, CF

[describing black-painted chamber with a pentagram, evil eye symbols, chanting cultists] “ It’s just like your college dorm room.” CF

“Now that someone who has lived through at least some modern times is here, who is it?”

“It’s a familiar figure with a toothbrush mustache.”

“Charlie Chaplin, no!”

“He did say Modern Times.” JM, CF, ??, DA

“How many times can you say ‘Release the weasel’?”

“Many.” SS, JS

“Mussolini, Hirohito, and Steve. Steve is the guy who invented the Instant Messaging thing that lets you know if somebody has seen your message and isn’t answering.”

“That guy is the worst.” CF, AL

[Washington’s apparently evil alternate self, to our Washington] “I’m you from like a year in the future. A lot happens.” CF

“The Operation S.A.N.T.A. Educational Series, Module One: Doe of Future Past.” CF

“Four gingerbread damage to Hirohito.” DA

“Hitler gets critically hit by a gingerbread throwing star.”

“Two of the raptors cross the pentagram and merge with the weasel.”

“It’s just a big pile of animal tentacles.”

“I’ve seen this movie. A Japanese schoolgirl is about to walk in and then it gets weird.” CF, AL, JS

“I’m going to harvest the quivering jowls of Richard Nixon. For my collection.” MS

Event Description:
General John Blitzen and his reindeer Comman-does are the best of the best. Santa is dead. The North Pole is in ruins. Santa’s daughter, Victoria,  has gone into the Clausrest. Mrs. Claus has disappeared. When all hope seems lost for our cloven-hoofed heroes, when the year is at its darkest, that’s when Baby New Year makes his move! No one is safe.

Santa’s Notes:
This year wrapped up the running theme of fighting Holiday-Themed bad guys, as I’d more or less run out of Holiday Themed bad guys. In the interest of retrospection, I threw in a bunch of monsters from previous years and every small holiday persona I could think of. I wanted to add two slots to the capacity of the event, so I added Washington and Lincoln (representing both their birthdays and Presidents Day) to the mix as playable characters, hilarity ensued. Other minor holidays that made an appearance as both good and bad guys: Arbor Day, Cinco de Mayo, and Earth Day.

The characters started the session captured by Baby New Year, so I made up some special character sheets to mark the occasion. I also revamped the abilities of the characters slightly, giving them some more descriptive names than they had before. The presidents also got some slightly revamped sheets to signify their special status.

Character Sheets:
2015-01-Blitzen 2015-02-Vixen 2015-03-Dancer 2015-04-Cupid 2015-05-Donner 2015-06-Prancer 2015-07-Dasher 2015-08-Comet 2015-09-Lincoln 2015-10-Washington 2015-11-ConvictA 2015-11-ConvictB

Notable Quotes:
“It’s kind of like the Odinsleep, in that it’s convenient for the plot that she’s not here.”  CF

“What kind of blast radius is on these collars?”
“You’ll have to find that out for yourselves.”
“Okay, we’ll need a long stick and someone who sleeps really soundly…”  MS, CF, JS

[Donner decapitated by an explosion] “Ooh, I did not need to see that. It’s okay, we have a magical top hat. We can fix this.” CF

“I definitely don’t have enough magical hats for this.” CF

“In this hall, you find two people you never expected to see.”
“Mommy? Daddy?” CF, GM

“It’s the holiday Superfriends.” JS

“I thought we killed all the gnomes.”
“They breed like fuck.”
“…Most things breed like fuck.” MS, ??, SS

“We have somebody with thumbs finally. There’s so much I want you to do…” JS

“I’m really disappointed that it’s regular Lincoln and not vampire Lincoln.”
“You can put that in the feedback at the end of the session.” ??, CF

“Lunk! Get in here!”
[in stereo] “They have a cave troll!” CF, DA & MS

“Abraham Lincoln, what are you going to do?”
“Shake my new friend’s hand. We just freed him from bondage.” CF, CB

“She’s tiny, right? I’m seeing Master and Blaster.” JS

“You hear a lot of noises—guns being cocked, orders being shouted…”
[singing] “It’s beginning to sound a lot like Christmas…” CF, JM

“In the antechamber…”
“Don’t let it contact a regular chamber!”

“You killed my father!”
“You ate Frosty’s nose!” CF, JS

“He eats the carrot and vomits acid on you.”
“Are the two connected?”
“No, he just wanted to finish his meal before throwing it up.”
“Aw, I hoped his power was turning carrots into acid.”
“He just has really terrible GERD.” CF, ??, CF, ??, JT

“Tiny Dancer jumps on your back.”
“Tiny Dancer refuses to walk!” CF, AL

“Punxsutawny Phil is 6′ tall, with a groundhog face, buff as shit.”
“I’m terrified and aroused.”
“Then I’m doing my job.” CF, AL

“Can we clear the Easter Bunny’s corpse out of the way? It dissolves into… who-gives-a-shit.” CF

“Dear journal, today I only killed one of my friends…”

“Your humps, your humps, your lovely reindeer lumps.” JM

“Abraham Lincoln, the chicken is going to jump up in your face. It’s hanging onto your beard and hitting you with your own stovepipe hat.”
[Roll. Critical miss.]
“Tell me it’s wearing the hat.” CF, AL

“Washington made Stovetop Stuffing out of Lincoln’s head.”

“Obviously next year you’ll be fighting evil rabbit Lincoln. This game writes itself.” CF

“For the love of God, WALK. You lazy, lazy reindeer. You have four hooves, use at least two of them.” JS

“After all we have done, I think a little cannibalism is not beyond the pale.”
“I mean, they’re already dead.”
“I’m just surprised it’s taken seven years to get there.” KF, JM, CF

“I am Cinco de Mayo, a racially offensive stereotype perpetuated by Americans.” CF

“Abraham Lincoln, the spirit of the Earth is going to try to blast you with solar radiation.” CF

“I’m gonna shoot Che Guevara. [roll] No, I’m not.” AL

“’We are Arbor Day.’ He collapses into a pile of twigs.” CF

“’“You will pay for this, George Washington.” Even your threats are square.’ I’ve been hanging fire on that line this entire game.” DA

“He’s not as great as the Great Pumpkin, but better than a good pumpkin.” CF

“This is the only time I’ve seen a downed character take more damage. And it makes perfect sense.”
“DM Fairfield—harsh, but fair.” KF, CF

“These things happen.”
“It doesn’t usually happen to the pretty ones!”
“It’s long been a policy among the commandos that civilian casualties and collateral damage are never a cause for finger-pointing.”
“But he’s pretty!
“So we’ll stuff him and take him with us.” ??, AL, JT, AL, GM

Event Description:
General John Blitzen and his reindeer Comman-does are the best of the best. Countless foes having fallen in front of their antlers, including the diabolical Easter Bunny, the not-so-holy St. Valentine, and the traitorous Rudolph. But this year, The Menacin’ Venison face their most terrifying foe yet. The Great Pumpkin has risen, and he thirsts for blood!

Santa’s Notes:
I thought it would be fine to twist expectations and had the crew fight the Great Pumpkin right away. Then Santa died and the Reindeer had to fight their clones. Good times!

 

Character Sheets:
2014-01-Blitzen 2014-02-Vixen 2014-03-Dancer 2014-04-Cupid 2014-05-Donner 2014-06-Prancer 2014-07-Dasher 2014-08-Comet

Notable Quotes:
[looking at a character sheet with a listed field of Goring] “One of these years, your name should be Hermann.”  DA

“Santa’s blood is being spilled on the altar.”
“He really does bleed chocolate syrup. We gotta get this guy on a diet.”
“It’s just a Nick.”  CF, JS

“Is that the first grappling rule? Grappling: Subsection: Fuck that.”
“No, that’s the first of the hentai rules.” __, DA

[Santa:] “Oh the ho-ho-horror! My ha-ha-heart!”  CF

“As a matter of fact, he picks up Santa’s corpse and hits everybody within two squares.”
“I can’t help but feel there’s something symbolic of my whole term of employment in this.”  CF, KF

“Cupid, your turn.”
[brightly] “Hi!”
“I love the idea of you just popping up and saying ‘Hi!’ after every turn.”
“I have a bit of a memory problem.”
“Cupid is part goldfish.”  CF, SS, JS?, SS, CF

[to the Great Pumpkin] “Hey! You there! Pie!”
“Yeah?”
“…you actually answer to that?”
“It’s short for Piethglthlheh, which is my actual name.”
“While he’s talking, I try to throw a grenade down his throat. He’s a giant pumpkin head, after all.”

“Eat hot nutmeg tracer, bitch.”  JS

[post-explosion] “Pepto?”  JM

“Are you rules-lawyering my non-rules-existent system?”  CF

“Ablative saints are not a thing in this system.”
“But is he incorruptible.”  KF, DA

“This time the enemy didn’t monologue enough.”

“I set up a ‘Hit on the boss: Take a number’ booth.”  JM

“You take Santa’s corpse back to the North Pole. It’s a sad day.”
[laying down a card] “Gin!”
“I go through his pockets.”
“It’s a sad day for anybody who isn’t a sociopath.”  CF, JM, JS, CF

[Amazing Grace is played on bagpipes at Santa’s funeral]
“Santa was Scottish?”
“No, he was Vulcan. It made just as much sense there.”
“Scotty only knew one song.”

“You’ve got your run-of-the-mill stabby elves here. Their uniforms have sabers. [pause] I love how nobody questioned that.”  CF

[having skinned Santa’s face before he came back as pumpkiny undead] “Hey Santa, got your nose!”  JS

“I may be an Elder One, but you people are terrible.”
“We’re not people!”
“We’re better than people.”

[Comet tosses a grenade]
“It might take an unfavorable bounce. Five isn’t very good.”
“It wasn’t a one, so it won’t land in my pants.”  CF, JM

“If at first you don’t succeed… throw another grenade at her feet.”  CF

“Aw, we broke Kathleen. And we only brought one.”  JS

“The fucking elf-riding jokes are never gonna end now. If they have tentacles it doesn’t count! I’m gonna have nightmares now.”  JS

“Oh, now you guys are using your noggins.”
“In fairness, Dasher always uses her noggin.”  CF, SS

“You take a bagpappatat…” CF, crit fumbling “bagpipe attack”

“A bunch of vines have grown over the windows.”
“Vines?”
“Yes, six-second videos from the internet.”

“Where’s Santa’s daughter?”
“She didn’t come to the funeral.”
“What the hell? I mean, I was wearing her father’s face, but I was there.”  KF, CF, JS

“Follow protocol, guys.”
“You mean shoot everything that goddamn moves, including each other?”
“Yes!”  JS, JS

[opens a crate]
“You have a woefully inaccurate machine gun.”
“Yes!”
[everyone else cringes]  CF, JS

“He has a blowup doll with Mrs. Claus’s face on it.”
“That’s just sad. Live in the now. Well, he can’t because he’s dead now. Unlive in the now, is what I’m saying.”
“That’s not Mrs. Claus, that’s Abe Vigoda.”  __, JS, DA

“Who cut off Vixen’s hoof and brought it with them?”
[everybody looks at Dancer]
“What? I mean, yes, but I want to hear why you think so. It makes me feel good about myself.”  MS, JS

“You jut killed yourself and Comet.”
“That was actually really damned satisfying. And karmically inevitable.”  CF, KF

“Do they clone our weapons, too?”
“Duh.”
“What if we are the clones that were set to ‘Good’? ‘Jesus, this thing is way out of calibration.”  JS

[as Dancer crit-fails with a machine gun] “Will someone who isn’t me take that away from him?”  KF

“Just like ‘clink, roll’ means ‘get away,’ ‘Hey guys, I just found a machine gun’ means ‘Everybody get down.’ It’s like whack-a-mole: we just pop up on our turns and go back down.”  JS

“If you wannna fuck your clone…”
“You must whip it!”  JM & CF

“We keep telling you to use the gun!”
“But it’s such a small boom…”
“What if we all yelled ‘Bang’ really loudly?”  __, JM

[while fighting his clone] “Fuck me.”
“Well, now’s your chance.”  JS, DA

[while still fighting his clone] “Is this what I’m really like?”
Yes.” JS, all

“January 1964, and Operation: S.A.N.T.A. was set in Dallas. It was really awkward.”
“Yeah, the book depository fight was weird. We found the crate with that rifle…”
“Better than 1978 when we were all tripping on LSD. We played for six hours and no notes were taken.”
“They just said ‘hands hands hands” over and over.”
“I thought I had hooves and my character had hands. I was so confused.”

“Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, I made it out of C4,
Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, I’m going to clear the floor.”  CF

“I’m shooting the two Dancers and Santa.”
“Vixens. You’re Dancer.”
Am I? Am I? That’s what I ask myself when I look in the mirror every morning. ‘Go out and be the best whoever-the-hell-you-are you can be.”  JS, SS

“Where’s the book? I think it’s on page 96.”
“I’ve got the book right here in my pocket.” [produces middle finger]
“It’s right there in the rules of Operation: S.A.N.T.A.”
“…’Go fuck yourself.’”  JS, CF, __, CF

“Since I’m down and can’t take more damage, can you just roll me across the floor to clear away the glass?”  JS

“We should just incapacitate one party member per fight and use them as a meat shield.”

Event Description:
Commander John Blitzen and his team of Reindeer comman-does are the best of the best. St. Valentine and his army of Cherubic Snipers have gone too far! Their love arrows have ensnared Mrs. Claus, causing her to defect to the villainous Walmark Greeting Card Co. Your mission is to infiltrate Walmark’s Lunar Base, rescue Mrs. Claus, slay St. Valentine, and make it back to the North Pole in time for a nice afternoon lunch!

Santa’s Notes:
Looking back, I have no idea why I set this mission on the Moon nor why there was a fully stocked, Soviet version of Wal-Mart on the Moon. Sometimes the weirdness just happens. That said, if I’d never done those things there never would have been an Edna-bot, and that would have been a tragedy.

 

Character Sheets:
2013-01-Blitzen 2013-02-Vixen 2013-03-Dancer 2013-04-Cupid 2013-05-Donner 2013-06-Prancer 2013-07-Dasher 2013-08-Comet

Notable Quotes:

“You Lo-Jacked your wife?”

 

“Don’t worry, sir. We’ll make putty out of those putti.”  DA

 

“Why did you do that?!”
“You kidnapped our grandmother!”
“The Edna-bot is expensive!”
“So is Santa’s love!”  CF & CB

 

“Do we have an electronics expert?”
“Yeah, me.”
“How are you not riding the Edna-bot yet?”
“He hasn’t had a move.” JS, JS, JS, DA

 

“I’m grabbing one of the dead babies that I assume has fallen into my cart, and say ‘Hey, babies, cleanup on Aisle You.”  JS

 

“You hear over the intercom, ‘Customer assistance to the snack aisle.’”
“I vill show you customer assistance!”
[Roll. Miss.]
“I vill show you Soviet customer assistance.”

 

“You can move through other reindeer, you just can’t end on other reindeer.”
“Wait a minute, this is Mature Themes. What do you mean, we can’t end on other reindeer.”  CF & JY

 

“The customer service desk is where all the defective returned stuff is.”
Faulty Truck Nutz.”  __ & DA

 

“Tell us where the fat man’s old lady is. I realize this is Walmark’s and this may not narrow things down.”  DA

 

“I charge the leader, shouting, ‘Cut off the head, and the minions will… run away… or something.”
“That’s the worst battle cry ever.”  CB & JS
“What kind of idiot throws a grenade in the middle of a fist fight?”
“Just like a middle manager to bring fists to a grenade fight.”  CF & JM

 

“If you take away anything from here, it’s that shotguns are good against VCRs.”  CF

 

“Take it from a pro. There are good ways and bad ways to blow up a room.”  JM

 

“He is gored to death.”
“Like a Peruvian coffee farmer.”  CF & JY

 

“Welcome to the first store on the moon!”
“Who shops here?!”
“Nobody. But the important thing is, the Soviet Union was here first!”
[Russian accent] “Wait, if you have been here as kepitalist thirty years, you were traitor all along.”  CF, __, CF, JY

 

“Not only are you kepitalist, you are bad kepitalist.”  JY

 

“I’m going to run in, leap on the desk, and gore St. Valentine.”
“And that’s something you never thought you’d have to say.”  KF & JS

 

“This is why winners don’t do drugs.”
“I did more hits when I was on the drugs. Admittedly one of them was Mrs. Claus.”  JS & DA

 

“I turn to Mrs. Claus. ‘Are you really immortal?’”
“Yes dearie, I’m eight hundred and…”
“I pick her up and swing her into Valentine.”  JS & CF

Event Description:
Commander John Blitzen and his team of Reindeer comman-does are the best of the best. They say that revenge is a dish best served cold? Well that’s doubly true when one lives in the North Pole! Presumed dead five years ago, Rudolph has been rebuilt and is looking to settle the score! Can you survive his well-laid plans and put him back down in history?

Santa’s Notes:
We needed to add an extra slot at the last minute; luckily I had a blank Dasher sheet from 2010 to throw in the mix. How could there be two Dashers? Cloning, obviously. Sadly, the session did not end with a Dasher-on-Dasher fight, like I’d hoped.

Character Sheets:
2012-01-Blitzen 2012-02-Vixen 2012-03-Dancer 2012-04-Cupid 2012-05-Donner 2012-06-Prancer 2012-07-Dasher 2012-07a-Dasher2012-08-Comet

Notable Quotes:

[Hearing whimpering down a hallway] “Small child or puppy?”
“Both!”
“Oh god, a chuppy!” ?? & RC

 

“Fortunately, these are the low-hit missiles. This is called foreshadowing.” CF

 

“You realize that, among all the other reasons to kill him, Santa’s probably only going to write one paycheck.” DA

 

“I think this session is going to end in a climactic Dasher-on-Dasher showdown. As GM I’m not going to do anything to make it happen. I think it’s just going to happen naturally.” CF

 

“He says, ‘I’m going to teach you a lesson. Something big. Damn, one-liners are hard.” CF

 

“You’re adding a touch of class to these proceedings. I’m confused.” CF

 

“I’m over here because there’s danger where you are.” JF, best medic ever

 

“I’ve got ‘Groin-Nomming Order of Mystic Eunuchs.’”
“Of course you do.”

 

“So if we actually use… what’s that word, begins with a T…”
“Tits?”
“No, two syllables.”
“Titties?” JM & CF

 

“It’s like marital Jumanji.” RC

 

[on Rudolph] “Now I remember why we never let him play with us. He’s such a frickin’ douche.”
“Yeah, he’s a jackass.”
“I thought we were just jerks, but he really brought it on himself.” JF, JS

 

“I’m punching myself.” [roll] “I missed.”
“You stopped hitting yourself.” RC, CF

 

“Me and my gingerbread cookie are going to be doing some fucking up.” JS

 

“Dasher! Dasher!”
“I don’t even know ‘er.” JS & JM

 

“I can do this all day.”
[failing Toughness roll] “I can’t…” CF & JS

 

“My gingerbread cookie is a Hellmouth, too.” JS

Event Description:
Commander John Blitzen and his team of Reindeer comman-does are the best of the best. They‘ve rescued their boss from everything from blubbery bunnies to terrifying turkeys and left a trail of dead in their path. Their leader secured, they now take flight to Ireland where Lorcan the Leprechaun threatens to turn all of the Earth‘s water green! If there‘s one thing Santa can‘t tolerate, it‘s a Green Christmas!

Santa’s Notes:
One of of my favorite moments in running Operation Santa was when Mecha-Rudolph showed up at the end, telling the characters “You fools, there’s no such thing as Leprechauns!” The genuinely dumbfounded reaction from all of the players still makes me crack up whenever I think about it. This was also the first year with a cliff-hanger ending, as Mecha-Rudolph blows up the compound the reindeer have just finished raiding, sending them out the window and into the ocean below.

 

Character Sheets:
2011-01-Blitzen 2011-02-Vixen 2011-03-Dancer 2011-04-Cupid 2011-05-Donner 2011-06-Prancer 2011-07-Dasher 2011-08-Comet

Notable Quotes:

“Surely I have destroyed the one behind me with my flailing windmill of death.” JS

 

“What’s in that needle? Crème de minthe?” JS

 

“You just rolled a metal pot full of grenades down the stairs. Basically, you made an IUD. Uh, IED.” CF

 

“Leprechauns are flammable, right?”

 

“You find yourselves in a grassy field with white lines painted every fifteen feet or so.”
“Don’t try to snort it!”
“You knew right where I was going with that.” CF, JM, JS

 

“Chris, you should sue WOTC. A game of strange anthropomorphic animals finding technological items as one-shot treasures? This is Gamma World.
“It is Gamma World! They have better lawyers than I do, though.”
“This makes more sense than Gamma World.” JM, CF, DA

 

[after someone made reference to “Judith Priest”} “Are You There, God? It’s Me, Rob Halford.” KF

 

[on fighting the Fighting Irish] “I’m aimin’ for their kneecaps. Even if I don’t kill them, I’m ending their careers.” JS

 

“I hope I didn’t get my antlers tangled in his facemask. ‘I can’t get him off!’”
“Just cut the head off and leave it there. Nobody will ever fuck with you again.” KF & JS

 

“So let me get this straight. You’re goring them with your antlers, but you have a chainsaw handy for cutting heads off?”
“Yeah.” JS & KF

 

[trying to figure out how to approximate a French-Irish accent] “’Bonjour, douchebag.’ I guess that’s more of a French-Jersey accent.”
“Yeah, not hearing the Irish there.”
“You just made me picture Quasimodo with a spray tan.” CF, RH, JM

 

“You should ride the bear like a big furry tractor.” RH

 

“I think last year we established that Vixen can twirl all six of her tassels.”
“In different directions. One’s clockwise, one’s counterclockwise, two are sticking straight out…”
“Did you ever read A Brief History of Time? There are six different states an electron can be in.”
“That may be the geekiest joke ever.”
“Illustrated with reindeer nipples.” KF, JS, CF, DA, JS

 

“I’ve got my chaps on. Somethin’s gonna be ridden.” DA

 

“Donner, you found the Confined Weasel.” CF

 

“It’s an antechamber. If we get it too close to a regular chamber, it’ll be a terrible explosion.” JM

 

“They look like normal pots of gold.”
“Normal pots of gold? Where the hell do you live?” CF & JS

 

“Eeenie, meenie, meth ahoy.” JS

 

[facing the boss leprechaun] “By the way, your cereal sucks.”
“That’s it, them’s fightin’ words.” JM & CF

 

“The weasel has been deployed.”
“Yeah, I’m dropping it right down his pants.”
“Are you wearing a flak vest, by the way?” CF & JS

 

“What the hell, we didn’t get this far by being smart. I’m shooting at one of the vats.” DA

 

“I understand if you have a beef with me, but leave the vats out of it. They did nothing to you.”
“That vat killed my pa!” CF & DA

 

“I’m just going to proceed as if this is going well…” CF

Event Description:
Commander John Blitzen and his team of Reindeer comman-does are the best of the best. Having defeated the white-tailed turncoat Rudolph and having saved Santa from both the evil G.N.O.M.E and the hideous Easter Bunny, the ragged team arrives home… only to find Santa’s daughter kidnapped! Tom Turkey and his tryptophan thugs have taken her to the Tunnel of Terror, it’s up to you to stop him!

Santa’s Notes:
The biggest change this year is obviously the redesigned character sheet. I was inspired by (read: ripped-off) Brock Samson’s License to Kill from the Venture Bros. I was going to cut them with rounded corners, but gave up after Vixen’s sheet turned out like it did.

This was also the year that I added the item deck, having people draw cards rather than having me roll for it. Also worth noting, Dasher’s character sheet isn’t here, because we ran with seven. We ended up re-using the sheet when we needed to add a last-minute ninth player in 2012. The extra character illustration is from regular player Jeremy, who couldn’t make it that year but still kindly sketched us one of his excellent reindeer illustrations.

Character Sheets:

2010-01-Blitzen 2010-02-Vixen 2010-03-Dancer 2010-04-Cupid 2010-05-Donner 2010-06-Prancer 2010-07-Dasher 2010-08-Comet

 

Notable Quotes:

“No! My decorative buckles! The source of all my power!” CF

 

[On fighting zombie turduckens] “If I go down, don’t let them shove a smaller creature up my ass.”

 

“Quite a dilemma, isn’t it? You don’t want to hurt your friends, but you don’t want to deny your inner nature to blow things up.” JM

 

“Instead of laser eyes, does it have cholesterol eyes?”
“Yeah, you can feel your arteries harden.” JM & CF

 

“An arcane giant zombie turducken? Really?” JM

 

“Blue gravy. That scares me.”
“You’re more afraid of the color than the fact that we’re fighting sentient gravy.” KF & JM

 

“As heedless as I am of your lives, I’ve grown rather fond of my own.” JM

 

“It’s not a party until people are slippin’ on the gravy.” JS

 

[Vixen explains what about her the mashed potato elementals are attracted to] “My lovely lady lumps.” SS

 

“Doctor Marvin!”
“I thought you said, ‘fucked a marmot’!” JM & JS

 

“Get more cocaine. We’ll figure it out.”
“That’s a t-shirt waiting to happen.” SS & JS

 

“Cranberries fall, everyone dies.” SS

 

“She can twirl her tassels in opposite directions.”
“All six of them.” KF & S

 

“You don’t like the taste of that, do you, bitch? [roll] No, you don’t. You didn’t taste anything, because I missed.” JS

 

[after the Nth filthy comment about her character] “This will never get old.”
“But it will get chafed.” SS & JS

 

“Who’s that with the pot on your head?”
“Me.”
“Your chicken.” J & J

 

“I’m in the crotch of the chicken.”
“Again, not a phrase you hear every day.” D & SW

Event Description:

Commander John Blitzen and his team of Reindeer comman-does are the best of the best. Having defeated the white-tailed turncoat Rudolph and having saved Santa from the evil G.N.O.M.E., Blitzen and his mob decide to take some R&R in the tropics. Unfortunately their vacation is cut short when Santa is kidnapped by the diabolical Easter Bunny and taken to his secluded lair on Easter Island. Now they must liberate their lardaceous leader from the libertine lowlife and his loathsome league of lethal lagomorphs or lose their lives trying!

 

Santa’s Notes:

I’d come up with the idea of adding items mid-game during the 2008 Playtest, and made it a permanent part of the game starting with this version. At the time, I had a list of 20 items in a notebook and rolled a d20 to see what the characters would get. Cupid’s specialty was changed from “Flaming Longbow” to “Medic” to take advantage of the new item rules.

Other major changes included Donner transitioning from being a knife specialist to using a shotgun; and Dasher’s ability’s name changing from “Charging” to “Goring”.

 

Character Sheets:

2009-01-Blitzen 2009-02-Vixen 2009-03-Dancer 2009-04-Cupid 2009-05-Donner 2009-06-Prancer 2009-07-Dasher 2009-08-Comet

Notable Quotes:

“My favorite password: violence.” JM

 

“I’m not supposed to have thumbs, but damn, here they are.” JM

 

“Damnit! This is wrong! What kind of freakish hell do I live in where reindeer and bunnies have thumbs?!?!” JM

 

“A haiku:                 Hassenpfeffer stew
So tough and hard to chew
Is now on the menu.”
“I think you forgot your seasonal imagery there.”
“No I didn’t. It’s rabbit season.” JM & DA

 

“The chandelier comes down.”
“That’s right. Take that, you hippety-hop little bastards!” CF & JM

 

“For simplicity’s sake, this game does not have friendly fire. It tickles like happiness.” CF

 

“I’ve heard of having rabbits’ feet on your keychain, but not usually quite like this.” DA

 

“Number 2 resists your wiles.”
“I’m feminine-ish.” CF & __

 

“That’s how Santa keeps us in the barn. He’s conditioned us to be ungodly afraid of doors.” JM

 

“Stone is flammable, yes?”
“Not as flammable as Easter bunnies.” JW & JM

 

“He’s not very light on his feet.”
“Yeah, I got that from the ‘grotesque’ and ‘obese’ part.” CF & JW

 

“Like I’m going to throw a grenade into a crowd like that.”
“I don’t know, you are the model of irresponsibility.” JM & CF

 

“You know, Santa does have thumbs.”
“Actually, he doesn’t. It’s just the sort of nightmare world you live in.” J & CF